


cause there's a smile on your face that i haven't seen since we started going out

by inmylife



Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Loneliness, M/M, Overworking, Post-Relationship, mom zhengting, someone save 9 percent jsy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2019-05-15 21:33:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14798357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inmylife/pseuds/inmylife
Summary: zhengting misses eunki and what they had, especially now, when his babies are exhausted on the floor and xukun’s eyes linger on his body in a way that zhengting can’t return





	cause there's a smile on your face that i haven't seen since we started going out

**Author's Note:**

> title from together by ryan o'shaughnessey

They had tried to make it work. They did. But Eunki had debuted, and Zhengting went back to China, and the distance was too far and the time too long. They fell out of love. 

 

Linong is crying, but Zhengting can’t do anything about it because Justin is exhausted and almost asleep on Zhengting’s stomach and he finally looks his age and Zhengting can’t bear to wake him up and move him when he’s getting precious rest. 

 

Ziyi notices. He walks over to Linong and pulls the younger boy close to him. Thank god for Wang Ziyi, Zhengting thinks. 

 

They’re all shirtless. It’s a hot summer like they haven’t had in years, and they’re glad to be allowed to take their shirts off for practice, because the company is too cheap to turn on the air conditioning for the Nation’s Boygroup. Zhengting wishes they weren’t, not because he’s hot but because with their shirts off he can see the scars on Chengcheng’s hips and just how prominent Xiao Gui’s ribs are. 

 

And when their shirts are off, Xukun’s eyes watch Zhengting’s abs and shoulders, and Zhengting wishes he could feel the same. 

 

He misses Eunki, right now. He misses what they had. He misses feeling in love, securely in love, misses the thrill of his kisses and the warmth of his arms. 

 

Zhengting misses being in love. 

 

-

 

Chengcheng wakes him up that night, hands trembling and face wet with tears, and of course Zhengting opens his bed to him. Chengcheng curls up, seeking silent comfort in Zhengting, and Zhengting gives. He gives everything for his boys. He loves them.

 

It’s just that Zhengting can’t help but remember the nights Eunki held him like that, stressed from being graded down, stressed from leading a bunch of rambunctious children, stressed from the first elimination and losing Seunghyuk, stressed from heading a team of non-dancers. And he held Eunki the night he called his father, and every night Eunki came back fuming from arguing with Haknyeon, and of course one night in the practice room after they had danced together, really together, for the first time, and that night they weren’t sad. 

 

Zhengting feels, sometimes, like he’s carrying Nine Percent and YHNext on his shoulders, and he wishes someone would hold him like that again. 

 

-

 

It’s gotten to the point where Zhengting hates being in the same room with Xukun. Especially when they’re hot, or sweaty, or shirtless, or showering, or anything that would remotely suggest sex. 

 

It’s not that Zhengting doesn’t like Xukun. It’s just that Zhengting doesn’t like Xukun in the way Xukun wants him to. Zhengting isn’t in love right now. He wishes he were. 

 

He wishes he could give Xukun what he wants. 

 

He wishes he still loved Eunki, so he could have a reason to tell Xukun no. 

 

-

 

Back on the show, a few nights before the results were announced, Cheng Xiao corners him with a phone and brandishes the caller name  _ Eunki _ in his face. 

 

Eunki had mentioned, briefly, on Produce, that they were friends. Eunki and Cheng Xiao and Kim Jiho and  _ Seokmin from Seventeen. _ Zhengting had proceeded to angst about Cheng Xiao - “we’re basically the same person… main dancers with cute charms that we hate… but she debuted and I didn’t. It makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong.” - and Eunki had then smiled at Zhengting and told him that he shouldn’t compare himself to Cheng Xiao because he was worth more, anyway. 

 

“He wants to tell you good luck, ge,” Cheng Xiao says, smiling hopefully at Zhengting. 

 

Something painful and upsetting hits Zhengting in the stomach and he turns away. 

 

He’s seen Cheng Xiao on stage countless times, but somehow it’s now that the distance between them seems farther than ever. 

 

-

 

Zhengting gathers Justin into his arms. They are debuting soon. Zhengting forgets the date but he knows it’s soon, too soon, they need rest - 

 

Xukun is leader. Zhengting isn’t quite sure how that happened. The young ones don’t listen. (How can the young ones listen? They’re too tired to do anything other than dance.) No, Justin and Chengcheng and Linong and to some extent Xiao Gui (none of them are at the level yet where they can quite bring themselves to call him  _ Linkai _ ) go to Zhengting and Zhangjing and Yanjun and occasionally Ziyi. Xukun has this odd place in the middle where he’s forced to boss around his ges and try (and fail) to make his dis listen. 

 

So it looks like this, then. Yanjun and Linong whisper quietly against the wall, propped up against each other, while strange strains of Mandarin that don’t sound quite like home to the others flow out of their mouths. Ziyi cards a hard through Chengcheng’s hair, absently, and whispers soft encouragement (they all know Chengcheng needs it). Zhangjing runs his hand over Xiao Gui’s newly close-shaven head, petting him like a baby chick. (Zhengting remembers Guanlin with a pang and wonders how he’s holding up.) Amid this, Xukun is sprawled on the practice room floor, by himself. 

 

And Zhengting holds Justin, the two of them crunched in a corner, Justin curled into Zhengting’s lap listening to his heartbeat and trying to sleep now, while he can. Zhengting is too worried to sleep, himself. He doesn’t feel much else anymore. 

 

He kisses the top of Justin’s sleeping head, gently, more to soothe himself than anything else, and remembers other tired kisses, in a very different practice room, back when everything was easy. 

**Author's Note:**

> actually wrote this a while ago, but recent news about 9%'s conditions at fansigns make my concerns worse. i worry about them... i really hope they get enough sleep and can take care of their bodies
> 
> edit: i don't actually know if the leader of 9% is xukun or zhengting (or someone else for that matter...), when i wrote this everyone said xukun was leader but now some people are saying zhengting as well so idk man, if zzt is leader just suspend ur disbelief i guess
> 
> find me on twitter (missyehana) or tumblr (zhengkis)


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